Yes, You Should Be Judging People and Here’s How.

September 24, 2007

That’s right, there are just certain people in the world that you need to judge and sometimes, judge harshly. And yes, there is, in fact, a right way and a wrong way to judge someone. It’s almost an epidemic with the people in my life that they’re just too damn nice sometimes. I make friends with the nicest people, it’s weird, and I find myself constantly having to tell them not to be so trusting. They just shrug me off and go along with their deluded ideas that the world isn’t full of weirdos. Now I’m not advocating walking down the street with a bat in your hand to knock away all of the crazy people coming at you, I’m not even saying that everyone you meet is out to get you, but for the love of God, learning how to judge people is a valuable skill to develop.

How to Not to Judge People

Now before I get any deeper into this, I just want to take a second to say that I do not advocate judging people for arbitrary reasons. Sniggering behind you hand at the guy in the wheelchair isn’t exactly what I’m getting at. I’m not saying that it’s okay to be cruel. I don’t believe in cruelty for the sake of cruelty. There is too much evidence to suggest that everything and everyone is connected to advocate a senseless form of judgment. Calling people names, hating people for their beliefs or what they look like is a complete waste of human energy and isn’t something I condone. Whether we like it or not, we’re no different at a cellular, or spiritual level than anyone else. To flat-out hate or judge anyone for something that doesn’t hurt you is useless and what’s more, it’s invasive.

The key to all of this is in that last statement. ?Don’t judge anyone for anything that doesn’t hurt you.?

There you go. Don’t forget that, it’s very important. To turn your back a friend is one thing. To turn your back on a friend who has previously stabbed you in the back is just foolish. Think this rule as ?once bitten, twice shy.? It isn’t necessary to judge just anyone. It is necessary to judge people who have hurt you in the past. If they did it once, the odds of them doing it again are pretty good.

Fool Me Once . . .

What amazes me the most about the wonderfully kind people in my life, is how many of them turn a blind eye to the people who are willing to hurt them. They make friends with people who proceed to hurt them in some way or another, only to shrug their shoulders and say it’s okay when they should stand up and tell them how not okay it is. These people tend to say they don’t want to cause trouble, don’t want to ?make waves,? but making waves seems like a better plan than going as doormat for Halloween, doesn’t it?

It’s one thing to stabbed in the back by someone you trust completely, but to be stabbed in the back twice by the same person is your own damn fault. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. It’s admirable to want to believe the best in people, but there is no denying that there are times when that will get you hurt or killed, just ask Albus Dumbledore. If you are one of those trusting people, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1.The world is full of bad people.
2.The world is also full of good people.
3.The bad people are very adept at looking like good people.
4.Not everyone is as kind as you.
5.Not everyone believes what you believe.

You would think I wouldn’t have to say these things, but the culture shock I have seen some people have when they hit the real world can be immense. They go from a small community, under the wing of mommy and daddy, get tossed out into the real world and promptly get run over like squirrels in the street. It’s sad and preventable, if their parents had only taught them to have a back bone. If only they had told them that ?love thy neighbor? didn’t mean ?let they neighbor walk all over you.? Lying to your children about the state of the world doesn’t help them create a peaceful society, it makes them completely unprepared to properly deal with the people who stand in the way of a peaceful society.

Now don’t misunderstand me here, I’m not saying that you should mistrust everyone you meet, or be wary of talking to every stranger. I’m saying that if someone shows you the back of their hand, realize that they will be willing to do so again. It’s important to realize that when someone is cruel, it probably isn’t an isolated incident. Some of the best advice I ever received was from an Atlanta actor named Greg Thompson, who told me that ?If someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.? More practical words have never been spoken.

You see so many women out there with spouses who are cruel to them and passing the behavior off by saying ?He’s a nice guy most of the time, but sometimes . . .? Nope! When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. Sometimes we don’t want to admit that the people we have become friends with, or lovers with, could be bad people. We hate to think that these people we are close to aren’t the good people we would like them to be. Realize now that it isn’t that black and white and that people can change. Your boyfriend my be a horrible person right now, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t sweet a few years ago, or won’t become sweet again sometime in the future, but don’t wait around for that. People are capable of changing themselves and someone who is a terrible person now, may become a model citizen down the road, but that faint hope is no reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship of any sort.

A Rose by Any Other Name

Never be afraid to judge someone for what they truly are. If someone hurts you and shows you through their actions that they are a horrible individual, believe them, call them what they are. A bad person is a bad person and it doesn’t matter what brush you paint them with. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a good person has simply made a poor choice. That doesn’t happen. A deliberately harmful decision was made by someone who, at this present moment, is not a good person. Perhaps down the road, they will realize what they have done and work toward becoming a better person. For now, judge them for what they are, not what they might become.

Once you have judged them, let your anger and resentment go. The only reason to judge someone is so that you may know when it is prudent to remove yourself from their presence. It isn’t necessary to put your emotions, energy and time into perpetuating or spreading ill will toward them. Simply step back and remove yourself from their destructive reach and let that be that.

It is your job to identify the bad people and stay away from them. This is what evolution was meant for, to help you make the decision that keep you alive longer. Judge who you can trust and who you can’t, but do not judge the individual for it. Don’t excuse them for their actions, but don’t condemn them for their actions either. Thank them for showing you their true colors, then have nothing to do with them after that. Is this hard? Yes. Can it be done? Yes. Does it take a lot of work? Yes, but it’s worth it.

Don’t let someone step on you one more day. Stand up for yourself and have the courage to remove yourself from them. Have the courage to tell them that you will fight back if provoked again. Stand up to them like a bully in the school yard and tell them that your days of wearing your doormat costume are gone, from now on you want to be Superman.

The Rules for Judging Others

From now on and forevermore remember these rules.

1.Judge only those who have personally hurt you in someway. Judging choices, preferences or ways of life is not only destructive, but invasive.
2.Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. This is more than a proverb. This is a universal truth.
3.If someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.
4.People can change. A bad person is only a bad person right now. The past and the future have no bearing on what they are in the present.
5.Forgive everyone who hurts you, but never forget what they’ve done.

Posted in Emotions, Fear, Happiness, Relationships