July 10, 2008
Law of Attraction, life changing principle or giant fraud? A sticky question seeing as it depends on who you ask. A multitude of millionaires claim life changing, while the mass of middle-brackets call bullshit. What’s the difference? Surely manifestation can’t favor a certain type of person, so what’s the catch? If luck favors the prepared mind, just what does the prepared mind look like and, more importantly, how can you prepare your mind?
The makeup of the prepared mind is a tricky proposition. Many people have tried to find the secret recipe used by the rich and successful with mixed results. Stephen Covey narrowed down 7 Habits, while T. Harv Eker found the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. And while these books are very informative and very practical, I’m uninterested in seven differences, I want THE difference. What does the successful brain do that the mediocre can’t or won’t? Without exaggeration, I believe I’ve found that magical difference. I think it is the ability and the self discipline to focus on the present moment, without being distracted by the chatter of the mind.
Those we consider successful all have an uncanny ability to focus. Ever notice how some of the most successful people in the world seem so relaxed? You never see them in a hurry. Go watch one of the presidential candidates next time you catch the news. Barack Obama doesn’t run, he strides easily no matter where he is. He never looks as if he wants to be anywhere else but here. He’s focused, he’s in the moment, he’s like a laser beam. This behavior shows a calm control of his own inner thoughts. His mind is collected and quiet. He is, in a word, focused. That focus creates a calm exterior by keeping the mind in the present moment where it cannot worry or regret.
Creating the Laser Beam
This ability to focus cuts down greatly on mental chatter. The brain can run away in many directions at once, giving rise to thoughts, feelings and fantasies that have nothing to do with the present moment. The mind is constantly in flux, moving from topic to topic, traveling from past memories to future anxieties.
And the future is always an anxiety to the mind. When left to its own devices the brain creates the worst case scenarios. It calls this planning, but that’s a lie. To plan is organized, this view of the future is always chaotic.
Have you ever looked around at your life and found that what you are manifesting seems like mixed signals? Great things one minute and aggravation the next? This is why! When your mind is chaotic, so are your intentions. This noise is like television static that is blurring the path to clear manifestations.
Bringing Your Focus to the Present
When we focus, we cut down this background chatter. We bring the mind to a pinpoint and, in a sense, place blinders on it. Don’t look left, don’t look right, look straight ahead. We keep it on track, not through a battle of wills, but through gentle persuasion. And your persuasion must be gentle. If you seek to force your brain into quiet, you’ll find it fights back just as hard. Your thoughts are created by you and will match your energy. Fight meets fight, peace meets peace, and when that idle noise is gone, we find peace inside ourselves. We no longer feel the need to worry or stress, especially over events that have yet to occur.
Put in this light, it’s easy to see why such focus is effective in manifesting things like financial abundance. How can you attract anything else when you are free to plan instead of worry? When you can feel peace instead of dread?
The process of gaining focus is easy, the practice is not.
To focus your mind, you must raise your awareness of your body. The biggest mistake is to place your awareness on your mind. Your awareness just fuels those random and ridiculous thoughts. It makes them worse and more frequent. Move your awareness into your body. Feel everything fully.
How do your arms feel? How do your legs feel? Your hands? Your face? The key is not to give yourself an answer. That would be making a judgment and that is an act of the mind. Just Be. Ask the question, but leave all words behind after that. Answers are irrelevant here. Observation is all that matters.
Now do this for as long and as often as you can. You needn’t close your eyes or let this state affect how you live your life. You should grow to maintain it throughout every day.
Now I am not suggesting that Barack Obama, or any other successful individuals perform this practice exactly as I’ve written it. I am suggesting that they do not need the process. The effects of this practice are already so natural to them that they are habitual. They don’t notice the method because they don’t notice the effects.
This should be your goal.
The process of manifestation will become more effective when you realize that it isn’t your identity that creates. It isn’t your mind. It is the power that remains behind once all of the false thought chatter fades away. It is the peace that you feel. The power is in the silence, never the words.
Posted in Creativity, Emotions, Goal Setting, Happiness, Law of Attraction, Metaphysics, Synchronicity, The Mind 
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July 8, 2008
We see it in our everyday culture. In our universal remote controls, our drive-thru restaurants, our house cleaning robots. It came on the wave of the future our grandparents dreamed of. It is the plague of laziness. We are all, Americans most frighteningly, growing lazier. Why else would we invest millions of dollars every year into the purchasing, producing and researching of new alarm clocks? We constantly seek out something else that will wake us up because the last thing we bought just can’t do the job. The problem is that we can’t get out of bed and stay that way.
I’m not about to tell you that you have to wake up at 5am, but being able to get out of bed to stay is a skill everyone should have. And “staying” is the real problem. It isn’t waking up, it’s STAYING up, which is why we haven’t yet invented the perfect alarm clock. The problem has nothing to do with alarms and what they can do. Sometimes it’s a lack of self discipline. Sometimes it’s a lack of desire or need. If you have no reason to be up at 5am, convincing yourself that a few more hours of sleep is a bad idea is going to be impossible. If you just despise the idea of being up that early, then there isn’t enough self discipline in the world to make you do it every morning. Before you worry about whether or not you have enough self discipline, worry about whether or not you need, or even want, to wake up as early as you’re attempting.
This is also putting aside all of the more practical reasons why it’s hard to get up with the alarm, such as sleep deprivation. Modern man is almost constantly sleep deprived due to that wave of the future I mentioned earlier. But it’s surprising how many people stay awake until four in the morning and want to wake up at eight. Get it straight now, it ain’t gonna happen, at least not with any sustainable regularity, which is really what you’re after.
Anyone can wake up with their alarm once. It’s takes real discipline and clarity of mind to do it every time, without fail.
But that it’s hard is nothing new. The reasons it’s hard are nothing new. So what’s so new about my method? Well for one thing, it works. Every time. Without fail. For another thing it is a sure-fire way to build your self discipline in every thing you do in your daily life. Be it working, finding more time in the day, running errands. Whatever you need to get done, this method will help you develop the strength and presence of mind to do it without hesitation.
The Method:
1. Put the alarm clock all the way across the room (in the other room if you can manage it and still wake up). I know this part is nothing you haven’t heard before, but it’s an important step, you MUST get up and walk all the way across the room to turn off your alarm.
2. Set the alarm for WELL before you have to start getting ready. You do not want to rush this process. Give yourself at least 30 minutes. If it takes less than that, good for you, you gained half an hour. But who knows, you might need more. Set yourself up for success. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.
3. Once you’re up and at your alarm, stand there. THIS IS THE HARDEST PART. Don’t move. Don’t think. Don’t try to do anything for right now. Just STAND.
What destroys most people’s will power in the morning is trying to make decisions too early. You’re not in your right mind in the morning so don’t try to be. You know that if you try to think, you’ll talk yourself back into bed so don’t let yourself get that far. Just stand there and focus all your attention on standing there.
If you must do something just repeat to yourself a simple mantra like, “don’t move, don’t move, don’t move,” or “stand up, stand up, stand up.”
4. Do nothing else until your head clears, THEN make your decision as to whether or not to get up for good. You may still feel tired, but you’ll be in your right mind. This may take 30 seconds, it might take 30 minutes. Just keep standing until the numb sensation in your limbs and your brain goes away for good, THEN go about your day.
Believe me, this works. It works because you are not trying to ask anything of your tired and disoriented mind. Thoughts like, “I need to get up and workout,” are doomed to failure because that is too complicated and unpleasant a task for so discombobulated a mind to follow. “Stand up,” however, is easy.
Not to mention that standing there and not going back to bed will be hard for only a few seconds. I have never experienced the pain or discomfort of standing still for more than maybe ten seconds on a bad day. That’s it. The pain literally dissipates by the second. So with every passing tick of the clock your ease will grow exponentially, as will your self discipline.
That’s it, just stand there. I do this every morning. All you have to do is stand there in one place and zone-out until you come back to yourself. What could be easier? Does it take some self discipline? Yes, but everyone has enough to do a task this simple and doing this every morning will help grow that discipline greatly. It’s an easy place to start, why not start now?
Posted in Being Proactive, Determination, Featured, Goal Setting, Happiness, Motivation, Self Improvement, Success, The Mind No Comments »
April 10, 2008
If I asked to you to name the largest deciding factor in the success and social status of the world’s most affluent and happy people, what would you guess it was? Would you say it was being born into a good family? Would you say it was a good education or perhaps sheer, raw talent? Any way you guess it, you’d probably be wrong. In fact, the greatest contributing factor to an upwardly mobile social status or an ever-increasing bank account is the ability to plan your future in the long term. And long term doesn’t mean planning next year or even the next five years. Long term planning means projecting yourself twenty or even thirty and forty years into the future and planning your every day toward achieving those goals over all else. Think you’ve got what it takes?
The Research
In the late 1960’s, Harvard University sociologist Edward Banfield conducted research into what behaviors and social factors could predict wealth, affluence and success. Banfield was using what we today would call “success modeling.” What he discovered, and would eventually publish in his controversial book “The Unheavenly City,” was that the only accurate predictor of success was what he referred to as “long-time perspective.” You see, Banfield studied education, race, family, upbringing, intelligence and behavior and found that the only thing that was held constant in those that succeeded was the ability and the habit of planning out their time not in the increments of hours, days or weeks, but in decades!
That bears repeating: the only factor was how far into the future a person routinely planned.
Let that sink in for a second because it’s not a stretch to say that that information could change your life.
So how far into the future do you plan?
If you’re like most folks it’s usually to the next paycheck. We plan from pay period to pay period or, if we’re really on the ball, even a whole year in advance, but that’s where most of us stop. Think about all of the people you know who don’t even plan more than an hour into the future. Usually they make excuses like, ?living in the moment? or ?being spontaneous,? but never mistake good time management for being trapped, or stuffy. Learn how to use your time to its fullest and you’ll find you suddenly have more of it available to you. If you’re one of those people who rarely plans ahead, don’t feel bad because success is not out of your reach. The beauty of success modeling is that the information you receive from research like Banfield’s can be put to immediate, practical use.
The Steps You Can Take:
1. Discover Your Dream - this is the hardest step on this list and there is just no getting around it. You have to find what it is that you love because that’s what you’re going to be working toward every single day. And don’t be afraid to plan big. Who wants to look thirty years into the future and imagine themselves still at a job they hate or retiring penniless? If you’re going to work your entire life for something, you might as well make it something that you actually want. Dream big or don’t dream at all.
I know some people might feel that planning that far ahead is all well and good for someone in their twenties, but what if you’re only a few years away from retirement? What if you feel you’re too old to start dreaming up something new? Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re never too old to start working toward your dreams and I’ve seen the proof of it. My father has worked in professional broadcasting all his life and one of the people he’s had the pleasure of becoming friends with is Rhubarb Jones, the most famous man in radio here in Atlanta and a man I have always known as Uncle Rhubarb. This man, well into his fifties and well over thirty years into an incredibly successful radio career decided to back to college and in 2006 earned his Masters Degree in the hopes of becoming a college professor when he finally decides to hang up the headphones. Rhubarb was a smart enough man to look well into his golden years and find what it was he still had left in him. Don’t make the mistake of believing the myth that beyond forty, fifty or sixty is the backside of life. There is no hill.
Start imagining the world you want. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.
2. Get Over Your Fear of Disappointment - even more debilitating than a fear of failure is a fear of disappointment. We’re too afraid to plan ahead because we don’t want to face the disappointment if we fail to achieve our goals. We don’t want to write down a to-do list because we’re too afraid of not getting every item crossed off. Dreaming big isn’t a pleasurable experience because the thought of potential disappointments is always lingering. I know that, for me anyway, it wasn’t always like that. I know that when I was a kid, I used to dream big every day. I fell asleep every night dreaming of the wonderful things I wanted to happen in my life. I spent many a school period daydreaming wondrous things that I could achieve and I always told myself that I would never loose that desire to imagine and dream. But I, like so many others, was ambushed by adulthood and somewhere along the line, my dreaming days fell by the wayside. I never knew it was gone until it was too late.
I lost my desire to dream because I was overwhelmed by the fear of never achieving those dreams. To never achieve my dreams was far better than trying and being disappointed by my own failure. I psyched myself out before I even had a chance to begin. But once I realized my loss, I took the necessary steps to regain it again. Now I can live with hope that my dreams may come to fruition instead of in the fear that they will ultimately fail. If the fear of disappointment has you, shake it off now and start looking toward hope, because that’s what your dreams are for.
3. Start Being Okay With Discomfort - we have a great problem with discomfort in western society. We avoid it if at all possible, even if it could bring us the things we desire. We don’t want to exercise because it’s hot, sweaty and painful. We want the weight loss that the exercise could bring, but we don’t want to have to work for it. If you want to start developing a long-time perspective you have got to start being okay with discomfort. You must learn to face a little bit of pain and suffering in the short term so that you can find success and wellbeing in the long term. Once you have discovered what it is you want so far down the road, you must develop the courage to do anything to get it. You must learn to push through the discomfort of today, if that discomfort can bring you closer to your dreams.
Start getting yourself into the mindset of doing your important tasks first, before you can talk yourself out of them. It’s a universal rule that we will always procrastinate on those tasks that will bring us the most success. This being the case, you must learn to see past the short term discomfort of your work and to the long term benefits it will bring. Keep your eye on the prize and grit your teeth when you need to.
4. Have Courage Enough to Make Goals - let’s face it, goals are scary. For one thing, we generally don’t like making promises to ourself that we’re not sure we can keep. We don’t like getting our hopes up and most of the time we just really have no idea of what we could feasibly achieve. We sit down to make our goals, become too frightened to dream big and start aiming as low as possible. We’ve gotten so used to aiming low that we’re unaware that we can aim any higher. Start finding the courage to make big goals. Don’t say you want a 3% raise just because that’s all you think you could get. Goals aren’t meant to be the things you think you could settle for, goals are like sign posts to success.
Have the guts to stand up for what you really want. Put them in writing, in plain view, and look at them every day. Tell yourself that no matter what happens, come hell or high water, you can and will achieve them. It takes more than a little courage. It takes more than a little perseverance, but just remember that when the going gets tough, refer to number three.
Never Again Be Bogged Down
You already know that time management is an indispensable skill. You already know that planning out your days and making the most of your time can present you with amazing rewards in both your personal and professional life but you might not be taking your skills as far as they can go. Remember that the only predicting factor for success has nothing to do with the school you went to or who you know, it has everything to do with how far into the future you can plan. Take what you already know about managing your time and your talents and project yourself twenty or even thirty years into the future and write down what you see. What kind of job do you have? What is your home like? Your family like? What is life for you going to be thirty years down the yellow brick road?
However you see it, write it down and review those plans from time to time. Once you have this plan written down, you will never again be bogged down in indecision or prone to procrastination. When you come to a fork in the road, figure out which one leads you closer to those plans. When you find yourself in hard times, look toward your goals and know that once through this moment of discomfort you will be one step closer to where you want to stay. So knowing what you know now, you must ask yourself the big question: Right now, this instant, how far into the future have you planned?
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February 22, 2008
To start off the category of social do’s and don’ts, I wanted to talk about properly presenting yourself in a party or other social atmosphere. Few people, especially those of us who are quite shy (guilty!), realize that how we treat ourselves in these situations is always going to set the bar for how other people treat us and this is never more true that when meeting new people. Many people in such a situation turn to self deprecation in the hopes of lowering the expectations others my have of them. After all, telling people how uninteresting you are relieves you of the burden of trying to be interesting. While you might think it makes you seem modest and down to earth, it doesn’t. It makes you seem sad and not worth the time it’s going to take for people to talk to you. The more you excuse yourself for your conversation or preface and apologize, the more people are going to think you need excusing and apologies. Not sure if this is you? It is if you’re guilty of phrases like,
“Excuse me if I’m being dense, but . . .”
“This is probably a bit off, but . . .”
“Sorry if this is a foolish question, but . . .”
I know, I know, you’re trying not to sound full of yourself, but in fact you sound like a wimp. You’re worried that the other people in the conversation might see through your vain attempt at being outgoing and silently judge you for it, or worse, not so silently.
This is probably not the kind of advice that’s likely to make you feel better about your social skills but the key to shrugging off your self consciousness is to realize that most of the people you are going to approach don’t really care about you either way. Sure, it doesn’t sound like a good thing but it can be. You see, it’s not that people don’t care about you at all, it’s that people don’t care to scrutinize everything you do and say to the same level that you will. This means that if what you’re saying really is dense, foolish or a bit off, most people won’t notice unless you call attention to it by, I don’t know, telling them.
Nonverbal Communication is King
Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly teaching people how to treat you. People take visual cues based on how you present and treat yourself as to how they are going to treat and react to you. If you act as if you are confident and interesting, they are going to assume that you are confident and interesting. People are funny that way. We like to think we’re far removed from our animal friends, but in a social situation we still look for the pack-leader and what monkey-see, monkey-do. Don’t believe me? Then believe the UCLA study that found that as little as 7% of your communication was coming from the words you say, which leaves a full 93% of your communication down to how you act and how you speak.
The power of your nonverbal communication combined with the fact that most people aren’t going to be analyzing you that closely means that even a meager attempt to be outgoing and charming will probably work. It also doesn’t matter whether or not you are actually comfortable in the conversation or scared out of your wits. Pretend you aren’t terrified and you will probably get away with it. Pretend you don’t have to apologize for your conversation. Pretend you are interesting. Pretend you are confident. Most of the time, no one will ever notice the difference. In short: fake it ’till you make it.
The Power’s in How You Say It
All of this adds up to two powerful lessons: how you look is more important than what you say and how you word your statements is more important than their content. To illustrate just how true this is, take for instance a study conducted by Elizabeth Loftus, a psychologist and leading expert in memory function and eyewitness testimony. Loftus showed a short film clip of a car accident to a study group, she then presented them with a 10 question quiz to test their memory of what they had seen. This quiz was split into two version differing only in their first question.
Version 1 asked:
“How fast were the cars going when they hit each other?”
Version 2 asked:
“How fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?”
The groups that received the “smashed” questionnaire reported witnessing around 30% more damage than the “hit” group and estimated the cars to be moving about 20mph faster. What these witnesses thought they saw was influenced simply by the wording of the question. This means that how you word what you say has profound effect on how people understand what you’ve said and how they understand you as a person.
Tell people that you are dense and they will believe you. Tell people you have something to apologize for and they will assume that you do. If, on the other hand, you phrase your statements and questions in a confident manner people will assume you are confident. Remember that, for the most part, people aren’t paying that much attention to you. They may be listening closely, but their attention is also split between what they’re going to say next, that guy standing behind you, fiddling with their drink, that fight they had with their spouse that morning or any other of a thousand things that have nothing at all to do with you. It isn’t that they don’t care, it’s that they don’t care as much as you do. You’re scrutinizing yourself, they’re not. You feel like you’re conversation is foolish and awkward; they won’t notice unless you tell them, either by how you present yourself, or if you flat-out say so.
Don’t Preface What You Say
There is no need to insert any traveling music into what you’re about to say. How many times have you been in a conversation with someone who felt the need to tell you what they were going to say a full five to ten minutes before they said it? Feel free to transition from one topic to the next, but we don’t need a table of contents. Save that type of communication for your five paragraph essay and let go that form of conversational anal retentiveness.
Then there are speakers who feel the need to attach disclaimers to the front of their sentences. Disclaimers are statement like ?Pardon my saying so,? or ?In my opinion.? That one I particularly hate. Of course it’s in your opinion, you’re the one speaking. Disclaimers like this appear at the beginnings of statements and are nothing but redundant. Disclaimers serve either to take away our liability for our statements or to excuse mistakes we haven’t even had a chance to make yet.
Bottom line: say what you mean, mean what you say cut out everything else.
Save Apologies for Screw Ups
Unless you’ve committed a social faux-pas, never apologize for yourself. There is never a need to apologize for anything other than a mistake. If you think you may end up having to apologize for your opinions, then don’t share them. When in doubt, throw it out. Never apologize because you think what you’re going to say is stupid or somehow beneath the status of the groups you’re conversing with. Apologizing or excusing yourself will only serve to point out whatever inadequacies you may have.
When you screw up, apologize quickly and sincerely. Other than that, stick up for yourself.
Conversation is Just a Game
Conversations are meant to be like a game played on equal ground. They are not, as many people seem to think, a covert war game. Conversations are not meant to be cutthroat and competitive, but rather a means of friendly play, more akin childhood recess than boxing. More often than not any given group of people will be kind, courteous and open to talking with you. There is never a need to feel as if you will be turned away, especially in the setting of a party or other social gathering. The point of gathering a group of people together is so they will interact and that’s what everyone there is expecting to do. So when you speak, speak clearly and succinctly. When you approach someone new, approach them with calm confidence. Show them how they should treat you by how you treat yourself.
Posted in Emotions, Fear, Happiness, Providing Value, Relationships, Social Do's and Don'ts, Success No Comments »
February 12, 2008
This is a guest post from FruitfulTimes, a company and blog dedicated to teaching you to get the most out of your time.
Whilst a lot is said about how to reduce your sleeping to a minimum not a lot is said about the effects of lack of sleeping. People often ask questions like, “How can I reduce my sleeping time so that I can be more productive?” or “How can I reduce sleeping to achieve more?”. Beware that there is a threshold that should not be ignored. This threshold is built into our nature. Ignoring such thresholds will have the following effects on you.
Less sleeping is harmful for your health
It is scientifically proven that sleeping less than 7-8 hours a day is harmful for health. This is because while you are sleeping your body repairs itself: physically and mentally.
Increases stress
Losing sleep makes you feel stressed. Due to lack of sleeping, you will lose your patience. Such stress will affect your life and the lives of the people who live with you like your husband/wife, children and colleagues. Stress is a major health hazard and has a significant list of bad side effects, such as heart problems, and obesity through nervous over eating.
You are not efficient
The idea of sleeping less is to have more time where you can work. Don’t get shocked. The fact that you sleep less means that you will be tired during most parts of the day. This will severely affect your productivity rendering you less efficient. This will lead to more work piling up which leads you to reduce sleep time further. Sleeping less is not a solution. Better time management and fighting procrastination are sure fire ways to deal with your workload.
Other effects of Missed Sleeping
Missed sleep is cumulative; if you lose sleep one day, you feel its effects the next. If you miss a lot of sleeping several days in a row, you build up a ?sleep deficit?, which impairs the following:
- Your reaction time will decrease resulting in higher probability of car accidents.
- Poor eye sight vision
- Slow information processing
- Short-term memory loss
- Lack of motivation
A wise man by the name of Benjamin Franklin once said: ?Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.?
FruitfulTime is the software company behind the best to do list software FruitfulTime TaskManager. For more from FruitfulTime visit FruitfulTime Blog or subscribe to feed
Posted in Being Proactive, Creativity, Fitness, Happiness, Self Improvement, Success, The Mind 1 Comment »
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