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To start off the category of social do’s and don’ts, I wanted to talk about properly presenting yourself in a party or other social atmosphere. Few people, especially those of us who are quite shy (guilty!), realize that how we treat ourselves in these situations is always going to set the bar for how other people treat us and this is never more true that when meeting new people. Many people in such a situation turn to self deprecation in the hopes of lowering the expectations others my have of them. After all, telling people how uninteresting you are relieves you of the burden of trying to be interesting. While you might think it makes you seem modest and down to earth, it doesn’t. It makes you seem sad and not worth the time it’s going to take for people to talk to you. The more you excuse yourself for your conversation or preface and apologize, the more people are going to think you need excusing and apologies. Not sure if this is you? It is if you’re guilty of phrases like,

“Excuse me if I’m being dense, but . . .”

“This is probably a bit off, but . . .”

“Sorry if this is a foolish question, but . . .”

I know, I know, you’re trying not to sound full of yourself, but in fact you sound like a wimp. You’re worried that the other people in the conversation might see through your vain attempt at being outgoing and silently judge you for it, or worse, not so silently. This is probably not the kind of advice that’s likely to make you feel better about your social skills but the key to shrugging off your self consciousness is to realize that most of the people you are going to approach don’t really care about you either way. Sure, it doesn’t sound like a good thing but it can be. You see, it’s not that people don’t care about you at all, it’s that people don’t care to scrutinize everything you do and say to the same level that you will. This means that if what you’re saying really is dense, foolish or a bit off, most people won’t notice unless you call attention to it by, I don’t know, telling them.

Nonverbal Communication is King

Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly teaching people how to treat you. People take visual cues based on how you present and treat yourself as to how they are going to treat and react to you. If you act as if you are confident and interesting, they are going to assume that you are confident and interesting. People are funny that way. We like to think we’re far removed from our animal friends, but in a social situation we still look for the pack-leader and what monkey-see, monkey-do. Don’t believe me? Then believe the UCLA study that found that as little as 7% of your communication was coming from the words you say, which leaves a full 93% of your communication down to how you act and how you speak.

The power of your nonverbal communication combined with the fact that most people aren’t going to be analyzing you that closely means that even a meager attempt to be outgoing and charming will probably work. It also doesn’t matter whether or not you are actually comfortable in the conversation or scared out of your wits. Pretend you aren’t terrified and you will probably get away with it. Pretend you don’t have to apologize for your conversation. Pretend you are interesting. Pretend you are confident. Most of the time, no one will ever notice the difference. In short: fake it ’till you make it.

The Power’s in How You Say It

All of this adds up to two powerful lessons: how you look is more important than what you say and how you word your statements is more important than their content. To illustrate just how true this is, take for instance a study conducted by Elizabeth Loftus, a psychologist and leading expert in memory function and eyewitness testimony. Loftus showed a short film clip of a car accident to a study group, she then presented them with a 10 question quiz to test their memory of what they had seen. This quiz was split into two version differing only in their first question.

Version 1 asked:
“How fast were the cars going when they hit each other?”
Version 2 asked:
“How fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?”

The groups that received the “smashed” questionnaire reported witnessing around 30% more damage than the “hit” group and estimated the cars to be moving about 20mph faster. What these witnesses thought they saw was influenced simply by the wording of the question. This means that how you word what you say has profound effect on how people understand what you’ve said and how they understand you as a person.

Tell people that you are dense and they will believe you. Tell people you have something to apologize for and they will assume that you do. If, on the other hand, you phrase your statements and questions in a confident manner people will assume you are confident. Remember that, for the most part, people aren’t paying that much attention to you. They may be listening closely, but their attention is also split between what they’re going to say next, that guy standing behind you, fiddling with their drink, that fight they had with their spouse that morning or any other of a thousand things that have nothing at all to do with you. It isn’t that they don’t care, it’s that they don’t care as much as you do. You’re scrutinizing yourself, they’re not. You feel like you’re conversation is foolish and awkward; they won’t notice unless you tell them, either by how you present yourself, or if you flat-out say so.

Don’t Preface What You Say

There is no need to insert any traveling music into what you’re about to say. How many times have you been in a conversation with someone who felt the need to tell you what they were going to say a full five to ten minutes before they said it? Feel free to transition from one topic to the next, but we don’t need a table of contents. Save that type of communication for your five paragraph essay and let go that form of conversational anal retentiveness.

Then there are speakers who feel the need to attach disclaimers to the front of their sentences. Disclaimers are statement like “Pardon my saying so,” or “In my opinion.” That one I particularly hate. Of course it’s in your opinion, you’re the one speaking. Disclaimers like this appear at the beginnings of statements and are nothing but redundant. Disclaimers serve either to take away our liability for our statements or to excuse mistakes we haven’t even had a chance to make yet.

Bottom line: say what you mean, mean what you say cut out everything else.

Save Apologies for Screw Ups

Unless you’ve committed a social faux-pas, never apologize for yourself. There is never a need to apologize for anything other than a mistake. If you think you may end up having to apologize for your opinions, then don’t share them. When in doubt, throw it out. Never apologize because you think what you’re going to say is stupid or somehow beneath the status of the groups you’re conversing with. Apologizing or excusing yourself will only serve to point out whatever inadequacies you may have.

When you screw up, apologize quickly and sincerely. Other than that, stick up for yourself.

Conversation is Just a Game

Conversations are meant to be like a game played on equal ground. They are not, as many people seem to think, a covert war game. Conversations are not meant to be cutthroat and competitive, but rather a means of friendly play, more akin childhood recess than boxing. More often than not any given group of people will be kind, courteous and open to talking with you. There is never a need to feel as if you will be turned away, especially in the setting of a party or other social gathering. The point of gathering a group of people together is so they will interact and that’s what everyone there is expecting to do. So when you speak, speak clearly and succinctly. When you approach someone new, approach them with calm confidence. Show them how they should treat you by how you treat yourself.

This is a guest post from FruitfulTimes, a company and blog dedicated to teaching you to get the most out of your time.

Whilst a lot is said about how to reduce your sleeping to a minimum not a lot is said about the effects of lack of sleeping. People often ask questions like, “How can I reduce my sleeping time so that I can be more productive?” or “How can I reduce sleeping to achieve more?”. Beware that there is a threshold that should not be ignored. This threshold is built into our nature. Ignoring such thresholds will have the following effects on you.

Less sleeping is harmful for your health

It is scientifically proven that sleeping less than 7-8 hours a day is harmful for health. This is because while you are sleeping your body repairs itself: physically and mentally.

Increases stress

Losing sleep makes you feel stressed. Due to lack of sleeping, you will lose your patience. Such stress will affect your life and the lives of the people who live with you like your husband/wife, children and colleagues. Stress is a major health hazard and has a significant list of bad side effects, such as heart problems, and obesity through nervous over eating.

You are not efficient

The idea of sleeping less is to have more time where you can work. Don’t get shocked. The fact that you sleep less means that you will be tired during most parts of the day. This will severely affect your productivity rendering you less efficient. This will lead to more work piling up which leads you to reduce sleep time further. Sleeping less is not a solution. Better time management and fighting procrastination are sure fire ways to deal with your workload.

Other effects of Missed Sleeping

Missed sleep is cumulative; if you lose sleep one day, you feel its effects the next. If you miss a lot of sleeping several days in a row, you build up a ‘sleep deficit’, which impairs the following:

• Your reaction time will decrease resulting in higher probability of car accidents.
• Poor eye sight vision
• Slow information processing
• Short-term memory loss
• Lack of motivation

A wise man by the name of Benjamin Franklin once said: “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”

FruitfulTime is the software company behind the best to do list software FruitfulTime TaskManager. For more from FruitfulTime visit FruitfulTime Blog or subscribe to feed